Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Accomplishments List.

I'm having a freakout moment ("I won't be able to get enough data!" "I won't know how to run my analyses when I get all my data!" "My Chapter 2 doesn't make any sense!"). In order to counteract this, I will do what my mentor instructed me during our last meeting: make an accomplishments list.

At the end of last semester, I got a formal letter from my departmental review committee saying that although I had made some progress over the year, "greater progress ... was needed." I wanted to crawl under a rock. But talking with my mentor (not the same as an advisor) made me want to crawl out from under the rock and keep trying. She reminded me that I had accomplished a LOT over the year, so all I need to do when I'm stuck is reflect on those things that I've already done. I can be inspired because I've already worked my way through some tough challenges:
  • I finished and defended my proposal (that I thought I couldn't write).
  • I worked through preliminary revisions to get my advisor's signature for the official approval document for the study.
  • I obtained IRB approval.
  • I obtained permission to use the MBI burnout scale, which isn't publicly available.
  • I made my entire study available online with personalized links for each participant.
  • I got approval from three counties to conduct research.
  • I have worked with six principals so far - and visited with most - to get their teachers to participate.
  • I've started to learn a new statistical method to model my data.
  • And my mentor told me to make sure to include that I navigated a challenging relationship through most of that. I'll add that I maintained other important friendships and taken care of myself physically and psychologically to the best of my ability, and I'm getting better at these things while learning how to protect my time.
When I freak out, it's because I'm not keeping my thoughts in the moment, which is the only place where I have any power. If I keep my thoughts where my power is, I can use my power to change my circumstances. I don't have to believe the lie that I must fear what MIGHT happen; there is no power in worry. I can pray and keep it moving. So I go, so I go. :)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Making a Routine Routine

I'm trying to build new habits and get rid of old ones. Getting up on time. Going to bed on time. Working every day, doing something toward my dissertation. Exercising, eating well. Spending important quality time with loved ones (during my scheduled hours, of course).

I'm realizing how bad my bad habits are. I let myself get interrupted so often, deliberately, that I forget what I was supposed to be working on in the first place. Trying to say no even takes its toll on me. I THOUGHT I was saying no pretty often, but when I made it a rule, it started to HURT how much that word no had to come out of my mouth. I was starting to question even more whether this dissertation is even worth it, with everything that I'm missing out on.

But today I found that I had some time to put away some clothes that I had been letting pile up for who knows how long. I had spent wonderful time with my family for my mom's birthday, but I also followed a plan, and I had more time than I thought. This can get better, and I won't miss out.

I learned some new quotes in church today:
The world breaks everyone, and some get strong in the broken places - Ernest Hemingway
Also:
If afflictions refine some, they consume others - John Fuller
The scripture reading was Psalm 30: 1-5. It is definitely one to remember.